I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
