??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
