Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
