I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
