i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
