So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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