take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
