I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want a musical about memes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
