its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
