I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
