Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
