You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
