bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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