Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
