Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
