If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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