I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
