my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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