Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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