This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
