Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
