My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
