apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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