you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
