you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
