She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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