are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
