her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
