New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Damn victory sex feels great
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