also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
