I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
