Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
