I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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