i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
