Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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