I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
