How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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