I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
