My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
