Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
