I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
