just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
