It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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