i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
