Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
