I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
