I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
