Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
