his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
