Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone shattered a urinal.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
